Job Hunt

“Bye-Bye SAHM, Hello Daycare”


Day 1

“Bye-bye SAHM, Hello Daycare!”

So, being a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM for the idiom lovers) totally has its perks. My little guy gets the best care possible. He maintains his own schedule, receives the “perfect” amount of stimulation and his parents remain satisfied with his progress. On the flipside, his parents are broke.

Bye-bye SAHM, Hello Daycare. Colors, toys, curriculum, teacher to child ratios, loud noises and snotty noses; here we come!! As the mother of a premature baby, I have to repeat “snotty noses” and add germs. Make that GERMS.

I’m sure the daycare transition is difficult for many mothers, for a variety of reasons. Some may not like the “unhealthy” snacks included with tuition. For others, the concern may stem from lax or harsh discipline, personnel, cost, or appearance of the childcare facility, or even their own separation anxiety. Of course, you can guess mine. GERMS. EVERYWHERE.

Germs on the doorknob, germs on the windows, germs on the children, light-switches, tables, chairs, toys, books, the sign-in book and pencil, germs in the director’s handshake. No, folks, I AM NOT KIDDING YOU! Thanks to “Scrubbing Bubbles” commercials, I can almost envision enormous green and blue germs, sticking to every surface, reaching out gangly gelatin appendages toward my every step. OOOOO, and I shiver.

No, I am not a full-blown germaphobe (the scientific term is verminaphobia). I am just highly uncomfortable around viral infections. Particularly during cold and flu season. Especially now that I have an “at-risk” infant.

So, back to being “broke.” Something’s gotta pay the bills, and SAHM isn’t cutting it!! I’ve decided to try the next best thing… becoming a teacher AT my son’s daycare. This way I can beat down the oversized visible germs myself. And use my pocket sized hand sanitizer to combat the less detectable ones.


Day 2

“Do you have any more questions?”

Daycare with infant room……check
Daycare in close proximity to home…….check
Daycare hiring “Full-Time Kindergarten Teacher”…….check
Resume and References…….check
Pen………check
Car keys……….check
Son in car seat……….check
Extra hand sanitizer………check and check

The drive only took 20 minutes. Not bad, considering I can see the Sear’s Tower and it’s 10 am. In my opinion, Chicago suburb traffic lasts sunup to sundown. I note the outdoor play area; small, but colorful. The nearby houses boast a working class population. The gas prices are 15 cents cheaper here. Note to self: fill up on the way home!!

I enter the center, and squirt some hand sanitizer out of my back pocket. The place feels comfortable and kid-friendly. Plus it’s corporate, so I know there are lots of accreditation standards. The Assistant Director greets me with a genuine smile and handshake. I discreetly squirt more sanitizer and head toward the infant room. The plan is to drop my son off with the other babies while I observe my future classroom and sell myself in an interview. Total germ exposure: 2 hours.

I open the infant room door, but wait to squirt because there is a gate to separate the mobile babies from the fixed ones. I settle onto the floor with my guy, spread a blanket and lay him on his belly. There is a cutie pie to my right, so I turn and say “HIIIIIIIII BAAABBBYYYY!!” Oh, she is so cute. There’s another little guy in the boppy. I lean forward to his line of vision. “HIIIIIIIII BAAAA…” -oh no! I scoop my son back up off the floor. I look quickly back to the first infant. I snatch his blanket up as well.

The infant teacher is contently rocking a third child and observes my flourishing movements with a serene smile. “Um, does he have a cold?” I nod in the direction of baby # 2. She shakes her head yes, still smiling peacefully. “Um, does she have a cold?” I point at the cutie pie. The teacher speaks in this sweet, nonchalant tone that makes me feel like an idiot. “Yeah, there’s something going around.” (Like, duh, lady, you just walked into a childcare facility in the middle of October.)

I eye the tiny nostrils filled with slimy green boogers. They are so abundant that I hold my son closer. I also reach toward my back pocket. “Are they the only two in here that have it?!” SQUIRT. The teacher’s eyes begin to gleam with amusement. “No, I think most of them have it by now.” SQUIRT. SQUIRT. SQUIRT. I clutch my son to my chest, fumble for his diaper bag and stutter; “Ummmm, I’ll be right back.”

Day 3…coming some other day…