Job Hunt

“Bye-Bye SAHM, Hello Daycare”


Day 1

“Bye-bye SAHM, Hello Daycare!”

So, being a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM for the idiom lovers) totally has its perks. My little guy gets the best care possible. He maintains his own schedule, receives the “perfect” amount of stimulation and his parents remain satisfied with his progress. On the flipside, his parents are broke.

Bye-bye SAHM, Hello Daycare. Colors, toys, curriculum, teacher to child ratios, loud noises and snotty noses; here we come!! As the mother of a premature baby, I have to repeat “snotty noses” and add germs. Make that GERMS.

I’m sure the daycare transition is difficult for many mothers, for a variety of reasons. Some may not like the “unhealthy” snacks included with tuition. For others, the concern may stem from lax or harsh discipline, personnel, cost, or appearance of the childcare facility, or even their own separation anxiety. Of course, you can guess mine. GERMS. EVERYWHERE.

Germs on the doorknob, germs on the windows, germs on the children, light-switches, tables, chairs, toys, books, the sign-in book and pencil, germs in the director’s handshake. No, folks, I AM NOT KIDDING YOU! Thanks to “Scrubbing Bubbles” commercials, I can almost envision enormous green and blue germs, sticking to every surface, reaching out gangly gelatin appendages toward my every step. OOOOO, and I shiver.

No, I am not a full-blown germaphobe (the scientific term is verminaphobia). I am just highly uncomfortable around viral infections. Particularly during cold and flu season. Especially now that I have an “at-risk” infant.

So, back to being “broke.” Something’s gotta pay the bills, and SAHM isn’t cutting it!! I’ve decided to try the next best thing… becoming a teacher AT my son’s daycare. This way I can beat down the oversized visible germs myself. And use my pocket sized hand sanitizer to combat the less detectable ones.


Day 2

“Do you have any more questions?”

Daycare with infant room……check
Daycare in close proximity to home…….check
Daycare hiring “Full-Time Kindergarten Teacher”…….check
Resume and References…….check
Pen………check
Car keys……….check
Son in car seat……….check
Extra hand sanitizer………check and check

The drive only took 20 minutes. Not bad, considering I can see the Sear’s Tower and it’s 10 am. In my opinion, Chicago suburb traffic lasts sunup to sundown. I note the outdoor play area; small, but colorful. The nearby houses boast a working class population. The gas prices are 15 cents cheaper here. Note to self: fill up on the way home!!

I enter the center, and squirt some hand sanitizer out of my back pocket. The place feels comfortable and kid-friendly. Plus it’s corporate, so I know there are lots of accreditation standards. The Assistant Director greets me with a genuine smile and handshake. I discreetly squirt more sanitizer and head toward the infant room. The plan is to drop my son off with the other babies while I observe my future classroom and sell myself in an interview. Total germ exposure: 2 hours.

I open the infant room door, but wait to squirt because there is a gate to separate the mobile babies from the fixed ones. I settle onto the floor with my guy, spread a blanket and lay him on his belly. There is a cutie pie to my right, so I turn and say “HIIIIIIIII BAAABBBYYYY!!” Oh, she is so cute. There’s another little guy in the boppy. I lean forward to his line of vision. “HIIIIIIIII BAAAA…” -oh no! I scoop my son back up off the floor. I look quickly back to the first infant. I snatch his blanket up as well.

The infant teacher is contently rocking a third child and observes my flourishing movements with a serene smile. “Um, does he have a cold?” I nod in the direction of baby # 2. She shakes her head yes, still smiling peacefully. “Um, does she have a cold?” I point at the cutie pie. The teacher speaks in this sweet, nonchalant tone that makes me feel like an idiot. “Yeah, there’s something going around.” (Like, duh, lady, you just walked into a childcare facility in the middle of October.)

I eye the tiny nostrils filled with slimy green boogers. They are so abundant that I hold my son closer. I also reach toward my back pocket. “Are they the only two in here that have it?!” SQUIRT. The teacher’s eyes begin to gleam with amusement. “No, I think most of them have it by now.” SQUIRT. SQUIRT. SQUIRT. I clutch my son to my chest, fumble for his diaper bag and stutter; “Ummmm, I’ll be right back.”

Day 3…coming some other day…

half seal/ half crow

My son has learned the weirdest noise I have ever heard. Seriously, I expect to see him clapping flippers together... Imagine (if you can) the repetitive, high-pitched caw of a crow, mixed with the throaty bass of a seal. There you have it folks, his newest milestone.

In addition, the child absolutely CANNOT sit still. I used to be able to lay him down so I could take a nap (or browse the web, thinking I should be napping). Ah, the good old days! He was laying next to me and his cheeks were flushed because he was moving so much. Add the barkkaw, and I am 2 millimeters from the deep end!

bags,bags,and more bags

If I had a digital camera, you would be astounded to see the bags that have recently appeared under my eyes. I have also begun to take Ibuprofen 3-4 times a week for headaches that never existed before. For some reason I believed that I would escape the sleep deprivation that comes with being a mommy. HAHA! Joke's on me!!

It is amazing that people can function on such a lack of sleep. I don't know how well I actually "function" sometimes. My sentences come out backwards or fade without completion and I wear this half smile that probably says "I have no idea what's going on right now!" (Don't tell anyone, but I ususally DO NOT have any idea what's going on!)

I recently read that REM sleep is the most crucial for those who are lacking. It is also the sleep that new parents tend to slip into the quickest. That's how a ten minute nap can produce such vivid and strange dreams...

A few weeks ago I had one where I was staring in the mirror and I looked like my son. His big eyes and chubby cheeks were staring back at me. It was so strange to see the oversized babyface, and I was just standing there for what seemed like an eternity.

Last night I was also standing at the mirror, this time in my half awake state of reality. That's when I noticed the bags. I must've been staring for what seemed like an actual eternity, because my husband finally said "Honey, what are you doing in there?" "Dreaming about shopping."

Big Boy Shoes

I must admit that "Big Boy Shoes" is one of my favorite things to say. Of course, it's probably because Noah's are super cute and actually fit him now (aka he no longer kicks them off instantaneously). "Hey Noah, these are your Big Boy Shoes! Do you like your Big Boy Shoes? Your FEET are in your Big Boy Shoes!" (Get the picture?)

It's funny how being a mom can mess up your grammar. The other day I was gazing into my munchkin's big brown eyes and found myself repeating "Love a big boy, a big, big boy! love him, love him, talk, talk, talk..." Good thing I still sound like the adults on Charlie Brown, or my kid's speech would be entirely fragmented. Actually, by now he probably can pick out the words "big" and "boy," so I'm only half Charlie Brown...