the walmart dog pee

The title is supposed to be an adverb/verb combo (as in describing the action of taking a pee), not a noun (as in not the pee itself).

And it wasn't really a dog. It was Autumn. But the trickle on the floor could have fooled humane society workers. And yes, it was in Walmart.

Some helpful pre-story info: C and I moved to a new home and don't have youth living there yet. We still have to work so we split up and he helps on the boys campus, and I, on the girls. Autumn had joined me at work for the evening and the girls were sick, so she was confined to her stroller for five hours (to avoid the germs everywhere).

As a recent power walking fanatic, she loudly protested this arrangement for a good 45 minutes. To silence her, I gave her bottle after bottle of milk, water, juice, you name it. She peed so much I ran out of diapers, and back up clothes, and had to resort to Noah's pullup and a super dirty sweater. Then I got off work and decided to blow some time waiting for C and N to return from my aunt's house in B-ham. (Our new house is in the middle of an isolated wooded clearing at the end of some very dark and winding roads, so we were going to caravan.

So back to walmart. I was playing the part of hillbilly mommy with baby girl in said outfit (no pants, dirty sweater, oversized pull up), leaning on the cart handle, on the phone, walking slowly, laughing loudly,,, when I noticed a strange look on her face, and a wet trickle on my leg. I looked down and there was pee waterfalling out of her pullup onto the floor-EEK! I looked behind me and there was about a twelve foot trail of drips of pee that looked like a dog had run up the main aisle, midstream-AHHH! I had responsibly left the diaper bag in the van and was convieniently in the MAIN AISLE where they sell bananas and gum and pool noodles and nothing remotely close to a kleenex or paper towel.

Thankfully it was 10:45 at night (add that to the hillbilly mom description-kids out in the store after a decent bedtime)so no one was there but me and my little puppy.

And the trail of pee. I froze and did not know what to do. I couldn't leave the pee, for fear that someone would slip and fall, try to sue, and I would be incriminated by the review of security tapes. I seriously considered that someone should be notified, but did not use that good judgement bc I figured it would air dry soon, right?? I could have used her sweater, but then my kid would have been naked plus leaky pullup. Aye, what an embarassing mess.

I settled for mopping with my new basketball shorts;unpurchased, tag still on. I figured "hey, I tried, I gotta get this kid home and in bed(right??)" and beelined for the nearest checkout lane.

UNFORTUNATELY, the mesh short material more like smeared the pee from a stream into a shallow version of the mississippi river. Fortunately, the lady in the checkout line was so distracted w/ "oh what a cute little girl" that I don't think she noticed the wetness on the shorts as she rang them up. Also on the unfortunate end of the spectrum: The maintenance guys happened to be pushing their mop bucket toward the entrance at the exact moment of my escape. I swear that guy gave me a questioning look.

I can hear my friends who do not have kids thinking any number of amusing thoughts and questions. Like "how nasty that she wiped the pee and then gave the unsuspecting lady the shorts without a second thought!" Shameless. I guess when you have little kids, you just can't and don't care about much more than survival. Right?........um, Rigggghhhht???!!!

pictures!!! (???)

Horray for pictures! It finally worked. Some were mass emailed, but I still want them on the blog for easy access and storage purposes. My virtual photo album, ya know?

Don't let that smile fool you...

Gotta love the hat

"Sweet ma"

my two munchkins

Grandma

plus kids

equals grandma plus kids

look closely for the chaos (haha)

anyone who knows my sis will know that she is prob saying something hysterically "Karla" (look at her face and the stock still expressions of those around her)what a beautiful bride:)

Happy Mother's Day

I don't think I have appreciated Mother's Day this much...ever before.

Could be that having two busy babies of my own plue eight teenagers has made me feel more like a washed up mommy each passing moment. Like really, actually dressing up, doing my hair and nails for the first time in MONTHS made me feel like a hottie out of severe hibernation-thanks for getting married Kar!!!

Maybe it was the three seperate weekend deliveries of flowers, cards, beautiful sparkly bracelet, haircut and manicure certificates, perfect movie choice by my husband ("mother and child") and double shots in the bootycheeks that came my way yesterday.

Ahhh, I do not lie about the last one. I have been with this annoying cold for about three months. Hack hack hack hack, complain about the "air quality in our 'valley town' and apartment" hack hack hack off and on since January, typically all night long and frequently accompanied by throwing up-hey, I thought it was asthma back from the dead.

Carlton and I finally dragged my (our) exhausted butt(s) into the doctor's office yesterday and they found some OLD bronchitis and a butt muscle on each side. My shots arrived just as I was laughing hysterically at him for having to get a double dose of his own.

So we feel like new people (less 200.00 worth of co-pays and meds-Autumn had a double ear infection so bad that she burst her ear drum=ear discharge+screaming GALORE). But we feel like normal humans again. There you have it folks, those bootyshots work wonders- I'll tell you we almost have no desire to finish the ten extra days of antibiotics they put us on. But we will oblige. Oh and check this out...NOAH was healthy the whole trip to and from michigan!!! I guess his immune system is supreme now-must be all those prayers he's getting. It is awesome:)

The Wedding:

My sister's wedding was BEAUTIFUL! She was so happy and everything was good...the food, the decor, the guest list...A. Jennifer, U. Ralph, my parents, cousins, K8T, both great grammas, uncles and aunts, seeing everyone and showing off the kiddos was great!

I do wish I'd gotten to talk to my cousin Erin more. She is really funny and I enjoy her company (the five minutes we get to talk every two years). I guess parents of three year old boys should consider co-existing the same as socializing when they are busy chasing after the wee ones.

The Move:

So we returned from our trip on Wednesday nite. Thurs. AM, the movers arrived to pack us up and ship us out. We moved into a boys home that is LITERALLY in the middle of nowhere. It is so peaceful there, I wonder how I will ever enjoy returning to civilization, even for groceries.

Our new place has much more space in the apartment and we have a designated kid's play room with a little table and chairs in it. I couldn't be more excited about this. Seeing other people's play rooms has always created a longing in my heart (I'm not dramatizing) and now we have one...Woo-Hoo!


Houseguests:

The house is entirely surrounded by woods. Not a house or other human in sight. Our nearest living neighbors are horses and critters that stay hidden (thank goodness) in the deep dark forest.

There was a lizard though. He stopped and stared at me through the open door as I shouted at him that he "may not come in my house." I was too petrified to close the door, and finally he got bored and scurried around the corner. For a gal from Michigan, a wild lizard was quite the sight!

An Intent to Blog:

This is twice in about a month so I hope to continue. There should be less on my plate with 6 boys than there was with 8 girls (less is a relative term that means I will probably have enough time to pee two or three times a day instead of one or zero). Love to my blogging pals-please continue to blog, so I can pretend I have a social life of any sort!!!

IDK WHY MY BLOG REFUSES TO UPLOAD PICS. IF YOU WANT TO SEE THEM, EMAIL ME kellybrzak@hotmail.com AND I'LL SEND THEM IF YOU DIDN'T GET THEM ALREADY. TATA!