the walmart dog pee

The title is supposed to be an adverb/verb combo (as in describing the action of taking a pee), not a noun (as in not the pee itself).

And it wasn't really a dog. It was Autumn. But the trickle on the floor could have fooled humane society workers. And yes, it was in Walmart.

Some helpful pre-story info: C and I moved to a new home and don't have youth living there yet. We still have to work so we split up and he helps on the boys campus, and I, on the girls. Autumn had joined me at work for the evening and the girls were sick, so she was confined to her stroller for five hours (to avoid the germs everywhere).

As a recent power walking fanatic, she loudly protested this arrangement for a good 45 minutes. To silence her, I gave her bottle after bottle of milk, water, juice, you name it. She peed so much I ran out of diapers, and back up clothes, and had to resort to Noah's pullup and a super dirty sweater. Then I got off work and decided to blow some time waiting for C and N to return from my aunt's house in B-ham. (Our new house is in the middle of an isolated wooded clearing at the end of some very dark and winding roads, so we were going to caravan.

So back to walmart. I was playing the part of hillbilly mommy with baby girl in said outfit (no pants, dirty sweater, oversized pull up), leaning on the cart handle, on the phone, walking slowly, laughing loudly,,, when I noticed a strange look on her face, and a wet trickle on my leg. I looked down and there was pee waterfalling out of her pullup onto the floor-EEK! I looked behind me and there was about a twelve foot trail of drips of pee that looked like a dog had run up the main aisle, midstream-AHHH! I had responsibly left the diaper bag in the van and was convieniently in the MAIN AISLE where they sell bananas and gum and pool noodles and nothing remotely close to a kleenex or paper towel.

Thankfully it was 10:45 at night (add that to the hillbilly mom description-kids out in the store after a decent bedtime)so no one was there but me and my little puppy.

And the trail of pee. I froze and did not know what to do. I couldn't leave the pee, for fear that someone would slip and fall, try to sue, and I would be incriminated by the review of security tapes. I seriously considered that someone should be notified, but did not use that good judgement bc I figured it would air dry soon, right?? I could have used her sweater, but then my kid would have been naked plus leaky pullup. Aye, what an embarassing mess.

I settled for mopping with my new basketball shorts;unpurchased, tag still on. I figured "hey, I tried, I gotta get this kid home and in bed(right??)" and beelined for the nearest checkout lane.

UNFORTUNATELY, the mesh short material more like smeared the pee from a stream into a shallow version of the mississippi river. Fortunately, the lady in the checkout line was so distracted w/ "oh what a cute little girl" that I don't think she noticed the wetness on the shorts as she rang them up. Also on the unfortunate end of the spectrum: The maintenance guys happened to be pushing their mop bucket toward the entrance at the exact moment of my escape. I swear that guy gave me a questioning look.

I can hear my friends who do not have kids thinking any number of amusing thoughts and questions. Like "how nasty that she wiped the pee and then gave the unsuspecting lady the shorts without a second thought!" Shameless. I guess when you have little kids, you just can't and don't care about much more than survival. Right?........um, Rigggghhhht???!!!