The Big Mama Blues...

To be more accurate, I would have said "Mama's BIG blues," but it didn't sound right for a title. So what is it about those days when you just feel crummy? And discouraged? And lonely? And more than a bit ungrateful? I hate those days!!

I have also been having one for the past 36 hours. The most annoying part about it is that I have only been StayAtHoming for a week this time. I think it sends me back to isolation days when Noah and I LIVED at the doctor's offices in Illinois.

Everyone says "You're pregnant, you're hormonal." I was before I got pregnant, too. I just feel like a big mess (not big, sizewise-I actually think I'm over that), just bumming around. Noah has been sick this week and I was not feeling well yesterday. I am just soooooooooo tired!

He needs all these extra breathing treatments and feeding him can be a pain in the butt b/c he spends half the time choking. I want to just sleep, but am too anxious or feel guilty about making him sit in his playpen all day. Plus, there's dishes, laundry, all the things that a perfectionist housewife cannot seem to let go. Then I get annoyed because I start feeling like I am doing this all on my own and can I really handle another minute of it?

I keep wondering, how am I gonna juggle all the "mommy and wife business" when I have Autumn, too? Actually, outside of the poo-days, I am usually happy and confident about having 2 kids. However, the flood gates open more frequently and I feel so weak minded sometimes!

I had a mini-spazz when I was on the phone with the third nurse this morning. I hope she couldn't hear it in my voice. Actually I don't care. Thinking "Just another crazy parent" is probably part of her daily routine. I probably deserve it, considering how many times I thought it as a teacher:)

I hung up the phone and had a super huge, and way too long, pity-party. Then I had to recognize that God is not a liar. He will not put more on us than we can handle. This means I must be stronger than I give myself credit for-because of Him!! I called this Parent-To-Parent Support Line (for parents of kids w/ special needs) and started the registration process. Then I did my homework and played with Noah.

Playing with a toddler is one of the most therapeutic things a mommy can do to cure the Mama Blues. I crawled around on the floor, hissing and growling at him while he ran back and forth laughing like a wildman! If only I could maintain the mind frame I have now. Hopefully I got it out of my system. I hate the Big Mama Blues!!!!!